Most business owners don’t deliberately lower their standards.
They just tolerate things a little longer than they should.
A missed deadline here.
A bit of poor attitude there.
Someone doing something they said they wouldn’t.
And before long, that occasional behaviour becomes normal.
I’ve written about this before, and I’m sure I’ll write about it again.
Whenever in life and business you tolerate something you don’t want, typically behaviour from employees (or kids), you are guaranteed to get more of it.
When I’m speaking to a business owner and they refer to a team member complaining that someone “always does X” or “never does Y”, I usually ask a simple question:
How long have you tolerated it?
Because nobody says “always” or “never” the first time something happens.
The reason you’re saying it now is because you didn’t deal with it when it happened the first time. Or the second. Or the third. And so on.
Even worse, by tolerating it you’ve actually trained them that it’s acceptable.
And if you complain about it but ultimately do nothing, you’ve shown them something else as well. You’ve shown them that you’re a weak manager. That loses their respect, the respect of other team members and, sorry to say it, your own self-respect and confidence.
“But I don’t like confrontation”
That’s the excuse I hear most often.
Good.
I hope you don’t like confrontation.
So, how about not making it confrontational?
There are many ways to hold someone accountable without creating an argument. One method I highly recommend is avoiding accusations, no matter how sure you are of the facts.
When you accuse someone, it’s natural for them to become defensive. You immediately push them into blame, excuses and denial.
Instead, ask questions.
Be careful with your tone of voice. Be genuinely curious, not patronising.
For example, imagine a member of staff promised to get a report to you yesterday, and didn’t.
You might say:
“I’m confused about our conversation yesterday… when did you promise to have that report to me?”
They’ll probably give you some excuses.
Calmly repeat the same question.
Then ask something like:
“Are you someone who prides themselves on doing what you say you will, when you say you will?”
Let them think about it. Let them feel the conversation a little. It doesn’t have to be comfortable.
Then ask:
“Can I trust you to deliver when you say you will if I ask again now?”
You can, if appropriate, add a calm but clear statement of standards. Something like:
“I really want to work with people I can trust to do what they say they will, without being chased and without threats. Just because that’s who they are.”
Use your own language. Keep it calm. Keep it respectful. But be absolutely firm.
The real outcome
You’ll find that when you have conversations like this, you rarely need to have them very often.
People get it.
Most people actually want to do a good job. When you call on their pride and their standards, they usually rise to meet them.
When you hold people to account like this, they become their best.
And they’ll often respect you more as a manager.
But if you consistently tolerate behaviour you don’t want, you will absolutely get more of it.
In the end, leaders don’t get the team they hope for.
They get the team they tolerate.
